Something about me…
The truth is, I’ve spent a lot of my life searching for who I really am often through the eyes of other people instead of my own. And when you do that, you lose every time. If you’re not living as your authentic self, life has a way of throwing drama at you… sometimes more than anyone should have to carry in one lifetime.
At 62, I made a decision: I’m going to do better. I’m going to show up as who I really am and embrace what I actually enjoy.
Some of my photos might look like I’m hiding but I’m not. I’m expressing parts of myself through imagination, creativity, and yes, sometimes cosplay. That’s always been a thread in my life.
When I was younger, that expression showed up in different ways. I was a go-go boy starting at 17, and later I spent some time doing drag. I enjoyed both but they were never me.
I couldn’t keep up with the physical expectations of the go-go scene, and honestly, I didn’t want to. I wasn’t interested in chasing a look that didn’t feel authentic. Drag was fun, but expensive, and the drama? Not for me. I realized pretty quickly I preferred being in the background, supporting rather than competing.
Still… those moments mattered. Being Donna Summer, Laura Branigan, Ann Wilson, Gloria Estefan—those were fun chapters. But when the weekend ended, I often found myself feeling alone or even a little lost.
And that pattern showed up in other parts of my life too.
For a long time, I thought I had to fit into something to belong especially as a gay man. A label, a scene, a role. But the truth is, I was chasing identities that were never really mine.
Religion was another part of that search.
I grew up around Southern Baptist influence, though I wasn’t forced into it. My mother gave me the freedom to choose and I did. At 25, I was baptized Catholic, receiving Baptism, First Communion, and Confirmation all in one night.
And yet… nothing changed.
I didn’t feel different. I didn’t feel transformed. And before long, I walked away.
Later, I explored Wicca. For a while, I thought I had finally found where I belonged. But even there, I felt the same pattern different beliefs, but similar structure, expectations, and rules. It started to feel like another version of something I couldn’t fully live up to.
So I drifted. Back and forth. Catholic. Wiccan. Searching for something anything that would click.
I think, deep down, I expected some kind of moment.
A sign. A voice. A confirmation that I had finally found “the right path.”
But that never came.
Instead, I got real life. Messy, imperfect, sometimes disappointing, sometimes surprising.
Yes, I explored magic. Yes, I cast spells. Some worked. Some didn’t. That part was real. But even that wasn’t the answer I was looking for.
Because the truth is I wasn’t meant to be any of those things.
Not a go-go boy.
Not a drag queen.
Not a leather daddy.
Not part of any one box.
And that realization? Took me a long time.
Now, at 62, I feel like I’m finally stepping into who I actually am.
I’m Kevin.
I enjoy magic whether it’s spiritual, symbolic, or just good old-fashioned stage magic. I appreciate witchcraft, but I’m not tied to it religiously. I don’t belong to a specific group, and I don’t need to.
I have my own personal relationship with spirit and that’s enough.
I still enjoy creative expression. These days, that might look like AI-generated images or imagining outfits I’d love to wear. And honestly? Why not wear them someday? People express themselves through clothing all the time. Age shouldn’t be the thing that stops me.
I’m not trying to fit into anyone else’s idea anymore.
I’m not chasing identity.
I’m not chasing belonging.
I’m just being.
And for the first time in a long time…
I’m actually okay with that.