What I Lost

Today is the first day of February 2026. Trump is in his second term after losing the 2020 election to Joe Biden. I cannot even begin to fully explain what I have lost because of the most pathetic excuse for a human being I have ever known of. What I can say is this: several family members are no longer part of my life.

At this stage in my life, this should not be happening. It is disheartening that in what should be my later, quieter years, I have had to completely separate myself from members of my own family. It is mournful, but there is only so much a person can take. Being family does not give someone a lifetime pass to harm you.

For years, I believed in agreeing to disagree. I let things slide. I tolerated comments. I buried moments that made me uncomfortable because these were my siblings. These were my people. That tolerance ended with the 2016, 2020, and 2024 elections. It is hard enough to witness the sheer ignorance and cruelty of strangers who voted Trump into office twice. It is devastating when that ignorance comes from your own family.

First and foremost, I am an older gay man. I have been out of the closet for decades and I am never going back. I was 17 when I came out to most of my family. Over time, everyone knew. I was not the only one in my immediate family who came out, and no, it was not planned. It just happened.

For many years, I made the mistake of assuming everyone was truly on board. I thought it was no longer an issue. Occasionally a word would slip, or a moment would surface, and I would push it aside, telling myself I would deal with it later. After all, these were my siblings. My parents. My mother had already passed away when I was ten, but I have always believed mothers know. I am sure she did. My father did not fully understand, but he did not outright reject me. At that point in my life, I did not need his approval. It was my life to live.

As the years go by, you start seeing people for who they really are. Those you believed were accepting, or at least tolerant, sometimes turn out to carry deep hatred. They say, “I love you.” They say, “You are my mother’s son.” They say, “You are my brother.” Those words worked for a long time, until reality showed up.

The disapproval creeps in quietly. Suggestions to tone it down. Instructions on how to act around certain people. As a teenager, you adjust. You tell yourself not everyone was raised the same way. You stay quiet. You let it pass.

That happened repeatedly, not always from the same person. You convince yourself it is ignorance, not malice. That illusion ended in 2016 when Trump won his first election. Like many families, mine split into Trump supporters and people like me, a Never Trumper without apology.

This was no longer about politics. This was about a racist, a white supremacist, an American Nazi being handed power. It was shocking to see how many people were perfectly fine with who he was and how he behaved. This is the Republican Party, one of the oldest political parties in this country, and they embraced him. By now, no one can claim ignorance. It is 2026 and we are months into his current term. If you do not know who Trump is, you are choosing not to know.

There are nine of us siblings that we know of. Two from my mother’s first husband who was killed. A third who claims our mother was raped by her manager. Then my mother met my father and had six more children. I am the youngest.

My third eldest sister, who I will call T, is the hardest for me to write about. I grew up thinking she was beautiful. I felt sorry for her when the men in her life abused her. We had our disagreements, but she was my sister, and I loved her. I still do.

But after sixty-one years, you eventually wake up. You see people clearly. When she chose Trump over me, she told me exactly how little my life meant to her. Hearing her say she loves me while supporting someone who threatens my existence makes me physically sick. I told her exactly how I felt. You do not get to say you love someone while voting for someone who endangers their life.

In late 2024, I tried one last time to be civil with her. It did not take long for her to remind me she had not changed. I realized I was better off removing her from my life, from my space, and from my peace. Every day I am reminded that she chose him over her own brother. Now she claims she had no idea who he really was. That excuse is an insult. It was obvious from the beginning.

You chose him over me. Over your own flesh and blood.

So here it is. I love her, but because of her actions, she is no longer part of my life. Does it hurt to cut off a sibling? Yes. We shared the same parents. We grew up together. But her choices made her a stranger to me. Because of those choices, I am now fighting for my rights, my safety, and my future in this country.

If I had to sum up what she did in one word, it would be Trump. That word says everything.

She is not the only one. There comes a time when you must remove people from your peace and your space. Their words and actions already removed you from theirs.

You do not matter. That is what I lost.